We are a family of five — though we are no ordinary family. You see, I am an intersex dad, which means I was born with a body that is a mixture of both male and female traits that do not fit the traditional notions of “male” or “female.” My husband of 31 years, James, and I have three kids who are all now driving teenagers. On Mother’s Day, we celebrate Seahorse Day instead because the boy seahorses are the ones that give birth.

In September 2020, our family got hit with catastrophic news. James was diagnosed with chronic myelomonocytic leukemia after never being sick for almost all his life. Prior to his diagnosis, we were a one-income family but now that our breadwinner was sick, we were a zero-income family so this news was also financially catastrophic.

Here’s the story of our family and what happened when cancer entered the narrative.

Becoming an intersex educator, dad, and caregiver

Like others in the LGBTQIA+ community, Pride Month has always been a celebration for our family. As an educator, I promote the “I” in “LGBTQIA+” which stands for “intersex.”

Although we now say “intersex person,” we used to be known as “hermaphrodites.” We are as common as redheads at 1.7% of the population, though we are often assigned the wrong gender at birth. I am one of those harmed by being assigned a girl in error, who now lives my authentic gender identity, a man.

Proudly, on September 18, 2018, I became the first intersex person in Colorado to receive an intersex birth certificate. This led to my TEDx Talk: Born intersex, we are human! which you can watch to learn more.

My husband’s income enabled me to focus on my activism and intersex education, fighting for the human rights of intersex people. When he was diagnosed with cancer, everything changed.